You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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