I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
