You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Randomize
