he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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