I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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