i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
