Can i not drive my cunt home
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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