The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
