Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
