Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
