My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
