I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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