I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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