After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
