she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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