as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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