I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just sent this text using only my big toe
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize