Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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