Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
