Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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