he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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