Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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