Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
