is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
