just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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