btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
