I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
