you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
