just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
