if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
