I got chris browned last night
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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