My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
