I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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