my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
pop tarts are not kleenex
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
