Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
