Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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