Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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