just survived the first fart of the relationship.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
