Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
