a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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