I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i think we sleep fucked last night...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
