is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize