Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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