You're my little dorito
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
