I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
