porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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