The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
