I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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