i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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