i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize