ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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