I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
