He is such a slut. More and more my type.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
