Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
There are leaves in my underwear?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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