I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
