So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
