Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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