wakey wakey hands off snakey
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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