Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
