i think my mom watched the whole time
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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