wanna go halves on a baby?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
