i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
