nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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