I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Is it penis luge time yet?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
