Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
