I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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