I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
