That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize