There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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