I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
