We named our party play list daddy issues
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
