the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
